The quest continues...too tired for fighting

Long ago, I realized that the art of debate on message boards was the real skill...the art. Mastering the art. It doesn't matter the argument because pick one issue and I'll argue both sides and you'll not be any wiser to my true feelings about it.

For instance, we could talk abortion. We're in an election year...rather, double your money, we got a deuce on our hands since we won't be voting until November of 2008. Abortion WILL come up. It always does. It's not that it matters or that anyone really cares. It doesn't and we don't. People just need something to bullshit about and feel closer to supremacy and a stance on "Life" will surely do it.

Ok..maybe I will reveal my opinion. Thing is, abortion is legal. Most means of murder are. Most self mutilation is. It's when you ASK for assistance that people don't want to help. Ask for a needle and heaven forbid someone should make a passing in any form pain free. But if you would like a light for your cigarette, let me hand you the matches. It's your life, Boo. Smoke up! If you have a terminal illness, don't ask for help to end your pain. We cannot and we will not...but if you get knocked up, by all means, let me give you cab fare and get you to the local clinic to remove that cell. Cancer, no. Embryo, sure, why not.

When I was younger, I attended the largest pro-choice rally ever held in Los Angeles. I was gleeming with pride. There were tons of celebs there. I was 19. I believe in MY rights to my own body. I still do. That's the kicker. I still do. Where I'm not clear is my rights to another person's body or what will become a body. You see, when I grew up--and I did--I got married, got a good job, got a mortgage, paid taxes and THEN I got pregnant. I did it right. Well, it wasn't nearly that easy. I took fertility drugs ( another debate in itself) and THEN I got pregnant.

At 5 weeks along, I was fortunate enough to see a blink repeat on a screen and have a tech assure me that the "cells" that would be my daughter already had a heart beat that was alive, and kicking and beating as it should. That was life. I know that because I felt her grow each day for 10 months. Yes 10, don't believe the hype. 40 weeks is term. That's 10 months kids. Disinformation abounds, doesn't it?

Now, at that point, I could play any number of mind games with myself and convince myself that she wasn't a life yet. I could rid myself of that bleep on the screen...but knowing what it feels like to look at a calendar every year and wonder how old a child would be this year and the next and knowing how many friends that have that same wonder and always will, I knew full well, that was life. I'm not powerful enough to determine the fate of that bleep. It's not my call. Surely, I can play a role in snuffing it out just as I can in snuffing my own light out, but it's really NOT my call. It's not supposed to be. My course was done once the light started bleeping and blinking. Then it became my daughter's chart. Not mine. Mine has it's own forks and freeways. Once blinking, hers does too.

But let me muddy the road for you. When I delivered her, I hemmoraged. I was near death and had all but the "call time of death" stamped on my head. Baby rushed away from me, father with child, me and nurses and towels soaking the only life sustaining me from the bed. Giving birth, giving life nearly killed me. So...knowing that having a baby means that I might die, some would say--and it would be logical--that having another is suicide. YET, people helped me. They would throw Dr. Kevorikian in jail had he done that...but Doctors helped me. People prepared meals for me. They coddled me. They wanted me to "go through with it". Funny how that works. Which life was more valuable? We'll never know. We all lived...but the outcome in many countries and among many women that share my skin tone is that the mother usually dies. That tiny set of cells could have been the source for ending my own life. We really need to look deeper into the rights of living people. We're only scratching the surface and free will of those with free thought should be the prevailing wisdom here. If you don't want a child, do not have one. If you don't want an abortion, do not have one. If you are truly pro-choice, then allow someone that is Pro-life their opinion because they are exercising their right to their choice. It's theirs as you have yours. If you are truly pro-life, adopt a child. Support these children born poor, unwanted, underfed, under educated and underloved every single day of your lives and stop the hypocrisy. You cannot support reforming a system that feeds the very children you want so desperately to live and not be a hypocrite, a fool.

And I mean more than just a food bank. More than just dropping a few bags of clothes off for charity. More than just speaking the words Darfur once a year. If you value life, then value ALL life. Put up or shut the hell up. Value the life of people that live differently than you, look differently than you and value them as much as you value your own. Love them as much as you love your own children. Otherwise, you aren't really pro anything but you.

So where do I stand on abortion? I stand with God, folks. He's a powerful force to have on your side....any way the wind blows. I was given life and I have given life. I believe in life. Yours, mine and ours. To me, that's all that matters.