Who is dating whom?

Ok, I'll be honest...I'm not sure which word should be "whom" and I really don't care. I write. That's what I do. An editor can correct the mistakes. I'm not an editor. Deal!

Lately, the subject of who is dating whom has been all a buzz around me. Whispers of this brother dating that sister or dating that woman who is definitely NOT a sista. Then the, 'How do you feel about Black men that date (fill in the blank)' type questions on message boards. Well, my answer is the same for all the questions; I don't give a flying fig.

It's not that I don't care because I'm spoken for and I mean quite spoken for and albeit by someone that many wouldn't consider a brotha and not their brotha no how( unless the Black community has suddenly decided to invite Lithanian/Mayflower descendants into the fold--oh dear, was that swine by my 2nd floor window?), but more simply because it doesn't involve me. It doesn't touch me.

It a Black man wants to date a White woman or a Latina, then I wish them well. I'm not threatened by it, nor am I upset with him or do I think he stepped outside the bounds of decency. He did what is well within his right to do; he dated the person he felt so inclined to date. Good...because I use my options too.

People will say that dating interracially 'doesn't do it for them'...great, then don't do it. Some will even go so far as to say how disgusted they are by the opposite gender of another ethnicity, calling them ugly, insulting their scent and then even more will bring up our history of oppression and question the logic of dating specifically black/white interracially as a slap in our ancestors faces.

Problem for them is that they don't know my ancestors. I happen to know many of mine. I happen to know how their lives were affected by interracial dating and marriage and I know also that many rebuked the status quo and went with their heart, at very high prices to their lives. I know the biggest slap in their face would be for me to be complacent, shiftless, ambitionless, devoid of morals and values and to let my circumstance define me. I know that they would appreciate the woman I have grown to be and I know they would be proud of me and my accomplishments. I know they would look into my bi-racial children's eyes and see their own facial features reflected back in two children with lighter complexions, but that are confident in their Blackness and at their young ages, able to stand up, say that and be proud of who they are as people.

You see, no matter who I would have married in life, my children would have been Black anyway because I'm Black. Had the U.S. not had the One Drop rule in full effect, my own moral code would state that loud enough. I happen to be immensely proud of being Black and would have wanted my children to celebrate that.

My kids also happen to be part White. Should that be celebrated as well? See, this is where people begin to disagree with me on the melanin challenged side of the argument. I think the world tends to celebrate being White just fine as it is without my two kids adding to that. Pick up a magazine or turn on the television and the vast majority of people you see are White and their culture IS being celebrated and revered. They ARE championing themselves. So much so, that my children do not need to be reminded of it, they do not need to question the role of White people in society. The books they have in schools will teach them of the history of White people and they will not be denied any portion of being White...well, almost.

You see, while most people consider themselves so open minded, they also have this thing that their brains do going back to Sesame Street asking "which one of these is not like the other"....it's natural. It happens. We look at a new person and our brain automatically seeks out similarities between them and ourselves and those become the unspoken bond. That's why it's so easy to say hello to a passerby of the same ethnicity when standing on the corner waiting for the bus. You are already at ease with them because of your similarities. The opposite remains true of differences. That's why most people don't just strike up conversation with someone of a different ethnicity in that same situation.

Now, I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I don't believe that it's instinctual. I think going out and approaching that person with more differences requires the outgoing personality or the liberal mindset or the extra and beyond...do you get my meaning? It's here that YOU and your personality come in to play.

Ahh...real life catching up to me so I will have to continue part two of this to futher explain the identity my children have, my issues with who chooses to date whomever and how I believe our personalities affect interpersonal communication..rather interethnic, interracial communication. To Be Continued...